Excerpt From Your Pocket Divorce Guide

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Your Pocket Divorce Guide

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An excerpt from The New You: Joyful Possibilities Ahead

During the period of separation perhaps you began to get an occasional glimpse of the infinite possibilities your new life might offer. Far beyond the mere absence of pain, there's a glorious world of friendships, opportunities, and joy ahead if you choose to look for it.

You may encounter rocky economic and emotional terrain along the way. But in spite of the scariness of facing the future solo, you will build your own native intelligence, your unique ability to learn and grow, your emotional support crew, and at least a suspicion of the potential excitement of a fresh start.

Think of this: for perhaps the first time in your adult life you will just be you. No longer are you simply Henry's little wife or Bonnie's daddy. You are free now to become YOU with a new life to create and a fresh attitude toward the future.

Emotional Help

Divorcing spouses--both the Leavers and the Left -- will go through the five stages of grief that accompany a serious life loss. They are:

Denial, sometimes shock and withdrawal;
Anger, outward directed rage;
Bargaining, with your ex, with God, or any other likely candidate;
Depression, feeling the deep and weighty sadness, often with lingering anger;
Acceptance.

The Leaver and the Left will both go through the grieving process -- after all, you're mourning the death of your marriage -- but they go through the stages at different times. And it's perfectly normal to bounce back and forth from one stage to another and back, sometimes bringing some of the other phases along for the ride.

You don't have to go through this process alone. A qualified psychotherapist or counselor can help you more through the stages past anger and guilt, and they'll try to prevent your getting stuck along the way. (Professional counseling can be especially helpful in the denial and anger stages for some.) Loving friends and family support are also invaluable.

Linda Senn

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A Teenager's Message to Divorcing Parents

Divorce From a Child's Point of View